Man-to-Man - An advice column for men
Dear Wayne,
I’m a divorced dad with two daughters who live with me. My new girlfriend has a problem with the fact that my ex-wife’s photograph is displayed in our home. I’m not sure what to do?
Signed,
In Conflict
Dear In Conflict,
You don’t know what to do!? Your primary responsibility is to father your daughters. It’s bad enough the kids have had to deal with the trauma of a divorce, now their feelings and relationship with their mother are under attack by your “girlfriend?”
Your job is to protect and nurture those girls. That needs to be your new N.U.T.—non-negotiable, unalterable term. Remember, your girls will grow up to seek out men just like their dad. Are you being the example you want to be for your daughters? The pictures stay. If your girlfriend can’t support that decision, show her the door.
Dear Wayne,
I think I just screwed up Mother’s Day. As hard as I tried to make this one special (I haven’t been so hot with these events in the past,) my wife was critical about the restaurant we went to (it wasn’t kid-friendly enough,) the flowers I got her (by the time we reached my in-laws they had wilted,) and the gift I gave her (a coupon to take care of all kid transportation for the week.) I feel like I need to do something to make her happy and make up for my poor performance. Any suggestions?
Signed,
Desperate to Please
Dear Desperate,
Yeah, I’ve got a suggestion. Go into the bathroom, close the door, pull down your pants, and check to see if you still have testicles.
Sounds to me like you have a much bigger problem than a lousy Mother’s Day and a dissatisfied wife. Sounds more like a case of a man who has given his power away to the women in his life and wouldn’t know a good effort if his wife hit him over the head with it.
You took the family to dinner, you gave her a coupon as a way to give her a break for the week, and you got her flowers, but presented them too late. OK, maybe you need some help in the details. But it seems to me the thought—and effort—were coming from the right place.
Rather than chasing your wife and scrambling for her approval, focus on being the husband and father you want to be. Look for opportunities to be that man, rather than opportunities to make your wife’s criticisms your truisms.
The two of you have a history together. She expects a certain kind of behavior from you and she’ll continue to see that “poor performance” until you consistently show up as that better man. Be consistent, keep doing your best, and try not to take her criticisms personally. You both have some growing up to do if you want this to be a loving and mutually respectful relationship.
September 6th, 2009 at 3:41 pm
I am happy that u r raising voice as pro-women
keep it up dear
but …..listen….inspite of all the reasons that men are wrong, women will be proved WRONG because Almighty GOD’s gender is male.
When u dare to change gender of GOD, women will win!!!!!
Prof. Dr. Shah Murad Mastoi
Chairman, Pharmacology
LMDC, Lahore, pakistan
shahmurad65@gmail.com
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