By Rosemary Van Houten

I’m 57 years-old and still don’t understand men.
In fact I’m no closer to understanding them now then when I was 7 years-old…which makes me think, perhaps they really aren’t meant to be understood. But, they still keep me guessing nonetheless.

It could be I’m really barking up the wrong tree, but it’s the little things that add up to become the big things they say…so, thus my bewilderment as to why men (not all men,) but most men choose to name their vehicles. And, quite often will spend hours on end, buffing and cleaning and admiring this piece of metal on wheels.
While I guess there’s something to be said for taking care of your possessions, especially high price items, it just surprises me (while I know it shouldn’t) as soon as the weather begins to turn nice, you see the men outside washing their cars or poking their heads under the hood or lying on the ground with the only evidence of them being their feet hanging out from down under.

I truly do think that for most men, their relationship with their vehicle is very intimate and obviously only one they can understand. But again why name them and after a woman no less? Why isn’t Mustang or Chevy or Dodge not enough? And the other part about them choosing women’s names is they tend to be old-fashioned or the girl next door type, like Sally or Betsie or Betty Sue. And then there are also the somewhat “naughty” names or titles such as “sassy lady” or “hot mamma” or “daddy’s girl.”
I know you’ve seen them and heard them.

If you talk to some women they find it offensive and suggest that men name their vehicles after women because they classify their women and vehicles in the same category…objects.
If the truth be told though, I think those women are a little jealous.

But you really do wonder how it all began and how men in particular (I know some women love their vehicles too) seem to have that instant bonding with other men when they compare their beauties. It doesn’t matter where they are, complete strangers, they can strike up a conversation about “their girl” and compare engine sizes, speed, ability and comfort.
Hmmm….does sound like there is some similarity to how they sum up their women, huh?

Come on, give them a break…if that’s true at least they are objects of their affection! I know personally I would much rather compete with a piece of metal on wheels then a leggy beautiful blonde. And while I’m still not sure why men name their cars after women, if it makes them happy, why not?

And regardless of how much your guy seems to love his metal scrappy woman on wheels, don’t lose sight of the things you can do that his car can’t. After all, can that car cook his dinner? No. Can that car do his laundry? No. Can that car hand him his remote control? Heck, no. Thus, there’s no competition, regardless of what her name is.

Without men, what a boring world this would be. —WLY&ME

By Star LaBranche

It’s that time of year and Girl Scout cookies are going on sale. This season Troop 1253 has set a goal for each girl to sell 300 boxes. The troop of Cadets, who hail from three local middle schools and one home school, have been in scouting for several years and already have their game plan in place.
The troop will be participating in booth sales at several local shops including Ukrops, Farm Fresh, Wal-Mart, Ace Hardware and Food Lion. The Scouts will sell their traditional cookies and some new additions. The girls are also vending sugar free chocolate chip cookies, which they assure “taste like normal cookies.”
The money that’s raised will support several causes. First, some of the sales will support the Girl Scout counsel and fund various activities, camps and projects. The girls are also requesting donates for their Gift of Caring. This year the beneficiaries will be the Children’s Hospital of the King’s Daughters (CHKD.) You can make donations when you place your order.

Also, Troop 1253 has a special trip planned. In 2011 the Girl Scout Troop would like to go to the Cayman Islands. The trip is an ambition endeavor, but the girls are up to the task. In 2008 the girls sold over 3,000 boxes of cookies and are determined to sell even more this year.
Emilie McIntosh, the troop leader, believes that the girls have everything that they need to accomplish their goal. “These girls have organized and run events and planned trips better than some adults do and the place that they are able to do this is in Girl Scouts.”
Troop 1253 are also involved in several other Girl Scout activities. They have taken part in programs at Camp Skimino and are planning on going to Camp Darten. And they work with the MOPS (mothers of preschoolers) organization by babysitting the children. Through their experiences many girls have also earned a certificate in babysitting.

In addition to this the scouts participate in traditional Girl Scout events such as the Boo Bash, a Halloween party, and the yearly Christmas Bizarre, where girls can sell their crafts and other creative projects. The girls add that it’s a great place to do your Christmas shopping. The troop enjoy other ventures include canoeing, cooking, and rock climbing.
McIntosh first became involved with the Girl Scouts when she was kindergarten. Through the years she went from a Tagalong to a Daisy to a Brownie and then to a Junior. She got out of scouts after her family moved but decided to become a troop leader when her daughter reached kindergarten.
Her mother was also a troop leader and inspired her to continue with the organization. She stated, “My mother had been my leader when I was growing up and that experience had been really important to me.” She is now leading two troops, is a facilitator of adult learning, and is also the Camp Director for Camp Skimino. Emilie noted that, “It has been great to see these girls who have been in since Brownies grow and it’s great to see how easily new girls adapt to the group.”
The Girl Scouts is an international organization that strives for empowering girls through leadership, social conscience, and conviction about their own potential and self-worth. The program was founded by Juliette Gordon Low in 1912 and there are now 3.7 million Girl Scouts all over the world. For more information go to http://www.girlscouts.org  —WLY&ME

Dear Wayne,
I’m a divorced dad with two daughters who live with me. My new girlfriend has a problem with the fact that my ex-wife’s photograph is displayed in our home. I’m not sure what to do?

Signed,
In Conflict

Dear In Conflict,

You don’t know what to do!? Your primary responsibility is to father your daughters. It’s bad enough the kids have had to deal with the trauma of a divorce, now their feelings and relationship with their mother are under attack by your “girlfriend?”

Your job is to protect and nurture those girls. That needs to be your new N.U.T.—non-negotiable, unalterable term. Remember, your girls will grow up to seek out men just like their dad. Are you being the example you want to be for your daughters? The pictures stay. If your girlfriend can’t support that decision, show her the door.

Dear Wayne,

I think I just screwed up Mother’s Day. As hard as I tried to make this one special (I haven’t been so hot with these events in the past,) my wife was critical about the restaurant we went to (it wasn’t kid-friendly enough,) the flowers I got her (by the time we reached my in-laws they had wilted,) and the gift I gave her (a coupon to take care of all kid transportation for the week.) I feel like I need to do something to make her happy and make up for my poor performance. Any suggestions?

Signed,
Desperate to Please

Dear Desperate,

Yeah, I’ve got a suggestion. Go into the bathroom, close the door, pull down your pants, and check to see if you still have testicles.

Sounds to me like you have a much bigger problem than a lousy Mother’s Day and a dissatisfied wife. Sounds more like a case of a man who has given his power away to the women in his life and wouldn’t know a good effort if his wife hit him over the head with it.

You took the family to dinner, you gave her a coupon as a way to give her a break for the week, and you got her flowers, but presented them too late. OK, maybe you need some help in the details. But it seems to me the thought—and effort—were coming from the right place.

Rather than chasing your wife and scrambling for her approval, focus on being the husband and father you want to be. Look for opportunities to be that man, rather than opportunities to make your wife’s criticisms your truisms.

The two of you have a history together. She expects a certain kind of behavior from you and she’ll continue to see that “poor performance” until you consistently show up as that better man. Be consistent, keep doing your best, and try not to take her criticisms personally. You both have some growing up to do if you want this to be a loving and mutually respectful relationship.

By Tracy Wainwright
Despite the fact that more women die from heart attacks than men, heart disease and heart attacks are still prevalently thought of things that affect mostly men. Although there is a lot of good information available about heart disease, much of it is geared to the general population and often towards men. Recently more people in and out of the medical field are recognizing that heart disease affects women at least as much as it does men. The higher death rate, however, is thought to be a result of a lack of information about the different ways heart disease and heart attacks manifest in women. One organization works diligently to inform, educate, and advocate for women’s heart disease. Cindy Steger, a 15-year Williamsburg resident, became a spokesperson for WomenHeart in 2007, almost three years after having a heart attack at age forty-four.
Cindy was not a typical candidate for heart disease. She was health-conscious, athletic and stayed on top of her cholesterol numbers. There was a family history – her oldest brother had died at 29 of a heart attack and her father had survived his first heart attack at 62 – but Cindy made healthy choices and had no thoughts of a heart attack occurring, especially while she was still young.
It did happen, however, and took Cindy completely by surprise. Afterward, she had a difficult time adjusting to it. There was a hesitation to talk about it, to acknowledge it, and to let people know that she’d had one. After about two years that began to change. A friend introduced Cindy to WomenHeart and she decided to go through the application process to become a spokesperson for the organization. Any one can be a member, but to be a spokesperson one must have personal experience with heart disease. Cindy went through the extensive application process which included medical records, a recommendation from her cardiologist, writing essays, and giving references.
Cindy was accepted and fulfilled the twenty-five hours of community service WomenHeart asks its spokespeople to perform. Once she jumped over the hurdle of talking about her personal experience with having a heart attack Cindy felt comfortable continuing her outreach involvement beyond her initial commitment through WomenHeart. Cindy has spoken to groups such as the Kiwanas and Lions Club, to nurses, fitness center patrons, the Junior Women’s Club, NASA Langley, and various groups at Sentara. She has also given interviews for magazines such as Reader’s Digest, Fitness Magazine and Hampton Roads Health Journal. She will talk to anyone who expresses an interest in learning more about heart disease and it’s prevention.
When Cindy talks she focuses on much of the traditional information about heart disease – obtaining information and living a healthy lifestyle. She also spot lights information specific to women and those with a family history of heart disease. Although Cindy had been aware of her cholesterol numbers, she wasn’t aware that with individuals with a strong family history need to have even lower numbers (under 180, instead of under 200.) She also didn’t know that family history plays a larger role in women’s risk than it does for men. She strongly encourages people to know what their numbers are, to track changes, and to be their own health advocate. She wants to make sure that people know that thin doesn’t always mean healthy, activity level is more important than size. There is plenty of information available and it is generally presented in a format that is easily understood. People only have to be willing to access the information and act on it, even if they don’t see themselves as particularly at risk. As Cindy says, “If it can happen to me, it can happen to anyone.”—WLY&ME

By Jim Izzo

Imagine you’re the mother of a 3-month-old baby. You know something is wrong with your daughter when she doesn’t roll over, crawl, or sit up, but you don’t know what it is. Of course, you will do anything to solve the problem, so you start with a pediatric doctor, then another, then a specialist, who orders several tests: X-rays, MRI’s, brain scans. Obviously, these tests take time and money, but the greatest cost is emotional and physical stress. The greatest torment is the waiting.
This is not a hypothetical case, however, but an accurate description of what Amy Bornhoft went through two years ago, a few months after her daughter Madison was born.
“I was a therapist and educator, and I was unable to help my child,” says the Yorktown resident. She and her husband Jack have two other children: Joshua, age 4, and Jackson, age 2, Madison’s twin brother.
Finally, Amy’s pediatrician asked the Child Development Resource Center in Norge to evaluate Madison’s physical and cognitive development.
“The team came to our house and assessed her, and before they left, the occupational therapist felt that Madison had Sensory Processing Disorder. We did several more evaluations and began occupational therapy, and it was finally clear that Madison was indeed a severe case, seriously delayed both cognitively and developmentally.”
The diagnosis was a breakthrough and a turning point in the lives of the Bornhofts. “The early intervention program saved our family from irreversible damage to all members.” Within six months of therapy, Madison’s cognitive skills were “very close to where they needed to be,” her mother says, and “within a year she has finally begun to meet major physical developmental milestones. This could not have been done,” Amy emphasized, “without the CDR and our occupational therapist, Janelle Gochenour. She went above and beyond the call of duty, in terms of her research, attention and heart.”
Janelle also showed Amy and her husband Jack what they needed to do on a daily basis to help their daughter progress. “She provided us with the necessary tools and resources to give Madison the best care possible.”
Sensory Processing Disorder (SPD) is a complex condition which impairs the brain’s ability to experience everyday sensations (sights, sounds, smells, tastes, touch and/or movement) the way most children do. Approximately 1 in 20 (or three and a half million) children in the United States have SPD (the percentage is higher in gifted children and those with ADHD, autistic disorders and other conditions.) Because of SPD these children behave differently from others, which puts them at risk for social rejection, emotional problems and academic failure.
Madison, for example, was “very fussy, frightened, hard to console and didn’t like light,” her mother explained. “Her therapist helped us to understand what was going on with her and to identify things and situations to avoid.”
Janelle also helped Madison succeed with the “occupations of childhood, such as learning, playing, sleeping, behaving appropriately and performing daily routines. When my daughter took her first steps at age two, the gleam on her face and sense of pride was a sight that words cannot describe,” Amy said.
Another positive aspect of this story is the support group (hosted by Amy) for parents of other SPD children, which meets once a month in different places, such as the CDC in Norge and the Tabb Library in Yorktown.  “This has allowed us to support, educate and share resources with each other and the community so our children can be better served,” says Amy, adding, “It’s amazing what this situation brings out in people. Our family and friends have such empathy.”
There’s a potential negative aspect to this story. One of many bills currently in the Virginia Senate (#1260) and House of Representatives (#1588) supports funding for early intervention programs for treating Autism and Sensory Processing Disorder. Amy Bornhoft has written a letter to both the Virginia Senate and House, urging the passage of these bills. “We need these services, our children need these services!” Amy emphasizes. “We can find the money to help our children. They are our future.”
For more information about Sensory Processing Disorder, visit www.spdfoundation.net
As their motto says, “It’s time for everyone to come to their senses.”—WLY&ME

By Tracy Wainwright
The path to wellness varies for people, but there is often a period of illness, a diagnosis and learning to make god health decisions. Thus is the case for Heidi McCue-Gomes. Her road to wellness was not unlike many others – it was long and bumpy.

Heidi wasn’t exactly clear on when she first started experiencing symptoms of something not being right. But over time she knew that something was wrong. An initial diagnosis of depression was helpful, but didn’t seem to offer the relief that she was looking for. Then several years later came a more accurate diagnosis, and with it both a feeling of finally being able to get the right kind of help and feelings of fear and anger. The negative feelings weren’t necessarily about her new diagnosis, but what Heidi knew would come with it.
Heidi’s new diagnosis was bipolar, which is generally very misunderstood. Because she understood this, Heidi has been reluctant to share her diagnosis. Her feelings have been confirmed on the few occasions that she has shared it with negative reactions of some of the people she’s told. But what her diagnosis did bring was an ability to understand more herself and obtain proper treatment.
Heidi was still adjusting to her new diagnosis when, only three months later in January 2001 she experienced a seizure. Instead of being just an additional challenge, however, she viewed this as her saving grace. As Heidi became more educated about her illnesses and searched out treatment she found that there’s a high incidence (about 50%) of mental health issues in people who have temporal lobe (the front of the brain) seizures.
Tests confirmed that she had a seizure disorder and as doctors were able to treat her for it relief finally came. Not just for the seizures, but also for the bipolar. Although the relationship is not clearly understood, the treatment for one helped treat the other. For several months, for the first time in a long time, Heidi felt well.
As with many methods of treatment, relief came for a time, and then symptoms returned. For the next several years wellness became more about trying to obtain stability. Then in October of 2004 Heidi had surgery to implant a vegas nerve stimulator – a device that sends tiny electrical pulses to a specified part of her system. After an adjustment period, her seizure and bipolar symptoms completely disappeared. She has been in remission since March 2005.
Although Heidi was finally able to live free of symptoms from her previous diagnoses she continued her pursuit of wellness. Her pursuit and a new diagnosis of anti-inflammatory issues (thought to be rheumatoid arthritis) brought Heidi to information about Omega-3 and eventually to Arbonne. Between her health issues and family responsibilities she felt that Arbonne offered everything she was looking for – a job that offered flexibility with a company that focused on health and wellness. She signed up with a friend and reports that she began experiencing immediate results, first in the health of her skin and then with decreased stiffness and inflammation.
Heidi’s path to wellness also included a spiritual component which she feels worked in collaboration with her medical treatment, supplements, and changes in overall health choices to being well.—WLY&ME
Resources with more information
www.bipolarhappens.com

For more than a year now, Women Like You & Me has been published to address and applaud a very broad base of today’s society – Women…. Just like you and me! When first approached about advertising in this venue, we knew right away that our answer would be a resounding “Yes!” We know who’s making the majority of financial decisions in today’s families, we know who’s working hard both in and out of the home, and we know who needs some extra support from a financial institution that cares. With all that said, allow me to introduce you to BayLands Federal Credit Union.
For over 60 years we have been serving people who had a common desire to pool their resources and experience a better rate of return on those funds, while having less fees and expenses apply should they borrow from that pool. That’s the plain and yet simple reason for the existence of a Credit Union – that cooperative spirit. Now let’s help answer some of the more common questions we hear about credit unions.
Can you become a member/owner?  That answer is just as simple. If you live, work, worship, or attend school within our field of membership (New Kent, James City, King William, King and Queen, Essex, Mathews, Gloucester, and Middlesex)  –  then Yes! You can! What does it cost? Membership here doesn’t cost a thing… all it entails is you opening a $25 savings account… $25 of your money, that will always be your money. Of course, as a credit union member/owner, you’ll get to watch that money grow with the higher dividends we’re able to pay – simply because we don’t pay a board of directors. We’re governed by volunteers, every day citizens, and yes – women like you!
What services do we offer you as a member/owner?
Pretty much any financial service you can think of – we offer. From no-fee checking accounts, debit cards, Christmas Clubs, VISA credit cards, auto loans (including RVs, ATVs, boats, and motorcycles), mortgages and home equity lines of credit, to IRAs and business accounts – we’re here for you. We’re also convenient! With free online bill pay, PC teller and Phone teller – we’re always just a touch away. And did we mention ATMs? As a member of BayLands Federal Credit Union, you’ll have access to more than 45,000 surcharge-free ATMs nationwide. Yet another added benefit with BayLands is that we’re a member of the Service Center Network, allowing our members to conduct business at other Credit Union Service Center outlets across the nation.
In addition to our numerous services offered, BayLands is proud of its community spirit. As such, you can expect to see our name associated with any number of civic, charitable, recreation, and volunteer organizations. We also have a strong commitment to educating the general public when it comes to financial matters. We promote financial literacy within the school systems for the areas we serve, we provide free classes on various topics throughout the year that are open to the public, we also are available to host financial seminars to business groups and associations.
We invite you to call us (1-888-843-2520) or stop by either of our convenient locations today: 7031 Richmond Road in Norge, or 2004 Main Street in West Point. For more information you can also visit us at:  www.baylandsfcu.org
—WLY&ME

By Dan Sherrier

Somewhere along the way, during the course of human evolution, mankind needed to make a choice––a choice that would ultimately affect millions, and perhaps someday billions, of lives.
Confronted with a wide spectrum from which to choose, humanity had to assign but one color to girls, and but one color to boys.
Then came the decree that all the little girls of the world shall be garbed in the hue of pink, and all the little boys shall be garbed in hue of blue. So shall it be forevermore.  The End.
This all happened before my time, so I don’t profess to understand it. But I’ve adhered to it faithfully over the years. My closet contains not one single item of pink, and it’s going to stay that way. If any relative ever buys me a pink shirt as a gift––and if I’m unable to return it––I’m stashing it away under my bed, where it will never again be gazed upon by human eyes.

Conversely, I own several shades of blue. Heck, even my couch is blue. Sometimes, I might even feel blue. But I never feel pink.
I try my best not to judge any man who proudly prances around in a pink shirt. To each his own. Some can pull it off. Not me. You will never see me wear pink…
…Unless you happened to be at a particular night club one time three years ago.

Days before my college graduation, I went with a small group to a Williamsburg night club. (That was also the very same night that I learned the term “Williamsburg nightclub” was, in fact, not an oxymoron.)
This Williamsburg nightclub had a dress code, which was something else I learned that very evening…at the night club’s front door.
There I was, wearing a black T-shirt and jeans. That wouldn’t do, said the bouncer. (Yeah, I know! A bouncer! In Williamsburg! Clearly, despite my impending graduation, I still had much to learn.)

The bouncer instructed me that I would not be permitted into the establishment without either a collared shirt or a sweater. I had neither handy.
But one of the girls in the group was wearing a sweater over other clothes. A sweater in the hue of pink, it so happened.

She inquired to the bouncer, “If he wears this, can he be let inside?”

To this, the bouncer shrugged and replied, “Sure. If he wants to.”

I called his bluff, and in the process, saved him from the near-lethal boredom of being a bouncer in Williamsburg.
At the time, I was a theatre major, after all, and used to doing ridiculous things for the sake of amusing others. But never had I done anything quite like this.
I pulled that sweater over my head, and into that night club I strolled––pink as a Barbie dream car.

Finally inside, we headed to the dance floor. And it was empty.
Not one soul stood on that dance floor, much less danced.
In the wise words of Kurt Vonnegut, “So it goes.”
To be fair, there were people over at the bar area. I wouldn’t describe it as packed, but there was life. But on the dance floor, we had a monopoly. And I had a pink sweater. And everyone else had a good laugh.

To my knowledge, that was the last time the color pink ever clothed me. If there have been any instances since, the memories have since become repressed––and likely for good reason. —WLY&ME